Marriage rate in U.S. falls to less than 50 percent
Amber Saunders/Daily Staff Writer
The percentage of American married couples, which has been declining for decades, has slipped into a minority, according to recent figures from the U.S. Census Bureau.
The American Community Survey, released in October by the Census Bureau, found that 49.7 percent of the nation's 111.1 million households in 2005 were made up of married couples, just shy of a majority and down from more than 51 percent five years earlier.
The numbers do not suggest that marriage is becoming less important to Americans when looking at the big picture, said Stephanie Coontz, director of research and public education for the Council on Contemporary Families and professor of history and family studies at Evergreen State College.
"It's not really a dramatic shift; it's been steadily shifting since the 1970s," she said.
Several theories exist as to why the number of married adults is declining, such as more couples choosing to live together before marriage or instead of marriage, an increased age at which adults choose to marry, high divorce rates, more adults choosing to be single, an increasing number of widows and widowers and an increasing number of same-sex couples.
"I think [living together] helps get all of the annoyances out of the way," said Rebecca Berndt, senior in biology and secondary education. "I know that the toothpaste cap will never be on the toothpaste, and I always thought his roommates were just disgusting since he complained about them all the time, but now I know that he's just really particular about the kitchen."
Berndt and Nathan Finck, senior in biology and secondary education, have lived together during the last year and a half of their relationship. The two moved in together after they became engaged.
Cohabitation before marriage or instead of marriage is steadily increasing. According to the American Community Survey, 5 percent of households consisted of unmarried heterosexual couples. This was an increase of about 3 percent since 2000, according to the survey.
"There used to be a very strong social stigma against [cohabitation] - that has dramatically changed," said Mary Jo Fifer Wolf, counselor with Catholic Charities.
Social pressures on couples have also decreased, Coontz said.
"There's no longer the social pressure to marry to prove respectability in social status, to have sex, for women to have economic dependence [on their partners]," she said.
Although society is becoming more accepting of unmarried couples living together, some parents still disapprove of their unmarried children living with their partners.
"My parents didn't really say anything to me, but I know my mom probably had a problem with it," Berndt said. "I know that some of my aunts and uncles and my grandparents probably have a problem with it - I don't think some of them know we live together."
As more unmarried couples move together, more parents accept the idea of their children doing the same, Wolf said.
After Finck and Berndt had been living together for a few months, Berndt's mother began to be more tolerant of the couple's cohabitation.
"I think my dad helped her get over the idea that you have to be married to live together," Berndt said.
Increasing education and financial security
Couples decide to live together for many reasons, such as the convenience of sharing a common place to spend their free time.
"We are very busy and [living together] creates us being together with the little time we have free," Finck said.
Another reason couples choose to live together is to pool economic resources. Unmarried couples who eventually marry often live together so they can afford to have a nicer wedding, Wolf said.
"There is so much concern about financial security," she said. "[Cohabitation] is part of the courtship procedure now."
The waiting period in a relationship can occur for many reasons and is becoming more common. The age at which someone enters matrimony for the first time is increasing. According to the 2000 Population Profile of the United States, in 1970, the median age at first marriage was 21 for women and 23 for men. By 2000, the median had risen to 25 for women and 27 for men.
Another reason couples wait to marry is that they want to complete their education and get set in their careers.
"People now see marriage as the way you symbolize that you've gotten to where you want to be," Coontz said.
Finck and Berndt set the date for their wedding for June 2007, at which point they will have both completed their student-teaching requirements and graduated.
Another reason for postponing marriage is women have become financially independent from their spouses, Coontz said.
"Not only are women wanting higher education, they are wanting a career - they want to be self-supporting, self-sufficient," said Jana Olson, service line coordinator/supervisor for Lutheran Services in Iowa. "They're not wanting to be just a housewife."
Women who are highly educated wait even longer to get married - the average age to walk down the aisle for women who pursue graduate degrees is 29, according to Census Bureau data.
"Not just an obligation"
As women become better educated, they want increased financial autonomy from their partners, as well as a fair share in household activities, such as housework, Olson said.
Living together could allow partners to work through issues before tying the knot.
"Another big advantage is that some of the fights that we would encounter inevitably are now rather than later," Finck said. "I believe that some of the fights that we have had would have been much harder to deal with if we had the added pressure to 'stay together' because of marriage."
Not feeling obligated to stay together has strengthened their relationship, he said, because "it is a choice to stay together - not just an obligation,"
Partners who do not address issues such as how paychecks are divided and who loads the dishwasher before marriage may have a "heightened expectation of marriage," which can lead to arguments and possibly divorce, Coontz said.
According to the Census Bureau's Number, Timing and Duration of Marriages and Divorces: 2001, roughly 20 percent of Americans age 15 and older have been divorced, about 14 percent have been married twice and about 3 percent have been married three times.
People who wait to marry until they're older have a smaller chance of their relationship ending in divorce, Coontz said.
"People change throughout their adult life. Sometimes the partner they had while in their 20s that met their needs may not be the person who meets their needs in their 40s," Wolf said. "People get married for certain reasons when they're younger that may not be enough later on."
When marriages start to fall apart, Americans are less likely to try to hold things together than they used to be, as can be seen in the thousands of divorces that take place each year.
"Marriage no longer has a monopoly - this does make divorce easier," Coontz said.
High divorce rates or the experience of a difficult separation from a husband or wife can deter people from getting into serious relationships.
"People feel they have to be very confident to have a relationship work because of the amount of marriages that end in divorce," Wolf said.
Another possible reason for more adults spending time alone is that Americans are becoming more picky about whom they date, let alone commit to, in a serious relationship.
"Women can afford to be more picky because they're economically [independent]," Coontz said.
Fastest growing segments of cohabitation population
The number of adults living alone can also be attributed to the number of widows and widowers as America's elderly grow older - 12.1 percent of Americans are age 65 or older, and 39.4 percent of America's elderly live alone, according to the American Community Survey. However, not all widows and widowers are living alone. The elderly are the "fastest growing segment of the cohabiting population," Coontz wrote in an op-ed piece for the Philadelphia Enquirer.
An AARP bulletin reported in 2004 that 266,600 people over the age of 65 admitted to cohabitation; however, the organization suspects the number is much higher because the elderly are more likely to feel ashamed for cohabitation. The number of cohabitating elders is increasing rapidly as baby boomers get older.
The second-fastest growing segment of the cohabitation population consists of same-sex couples. According to the American Community Survey, unmarried male couples increased about 24 percent in the last five years, and unmarried female couples increased 12 percent. The increased number of same-sex couples being reported could be because more gay people feel comfortable enough to openly show their sexuality because of fading social stigmas against gay people.
Society's increased tolerance of gay people is partially because of the media's increased tolerance, said Kris Olds, ISU program assistant for the Department of Public Safety, who lives with her wife, Mickey Fitch, a residence hall coordinator at Iowa State.
"I have this bizarre sort of thankfulness for 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy' because it brought five gay men into televisions across the country," Olds said.
Olds said she has noticed more of a curiosity about her sexuality than anything else. Other examples of increased social tolerance toward gay people in America include anti-hate crime legislation passed by several states and more universities offering sexual orientation classes, such as Iowa State's Human Development and Family Studies 276, "Human Sexuality." Iowa State also offers domestic partner benefits, which was part of the reason Fitch and Olds moved to Ames.
"Ames is a little gay haven, which is ironic," Olds said.
However, on a national political scale, it is becoming more difficult for same-sex couples, she said. States across the country are discussing legislation to ban gay marriages. Thirteen states put measures concerning gay marriage on their ballots in the Nov. 7 midterm election.
"We're kind of in a reactionary time. Four years ago, the sodomy laws were struck down by the Supreme Court," Olds said. "There [is] this backlash of conservative folks pushing 'traditional family values.'"
Because it is almost impossible for a same-sex couple to get married in the United States, Olds and Fitch went to Canada for their ceremony in July, where Olds said people recognize being gay as an identity instead of a lifestyle. Their positive experience in Canada clashes against some experiences they have had since their marriage after they returned to the United States, such as when they were required to provide a copy of their marriage license to get a couple's membership to an Ames gym.
"When we do something together, there is that moment of wondering if they will give us a hard time," she said. "So there is some catch-up going on."
Until gay couples are allowed the same marriage rights as straight couples in the United States, the number of unmarried same-sex couples will continue to contribute to decreasing marriage rates in high numbers.
Although some Christian groups are interpreting these trends as society's denouncement of marriage, Coontz said the tendency to stay single or stay with a partner for long periods of time shows a greater care that modern couples give to marriage.
"They want to enter marriage on a more solid economic and emotional base than when people simply married because it was socially expected - and when women had to settle for a bad marriage because they had no other way to support themselves," Coontz wrote in the op-ed piece.
Marriage used to be about political and economic security and social status instead of love - marriage has become "more voluntary" and been based on emotional commitment in the last few decades, Coontz said.
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